Welcome to my internal dialog.

Deadwood, John from Cincinnati and David Miltch

Between doing some photo editing and flash development last evening, I stumbled upon the pilot episode of Deadwood.  This is the first time I’ve had the chance to watch this episode in about a year and I was blown away all. 

After watching the pilot again I was shocked to see that this laid the groundwork for the next three years of TV viewing.  Everything was presented, and if you had watched the series, go back to re-watch the pilot just to see how developed the story was at this time.

Deadwood was one of my all time favorite dramas.  I thought the acting was superb, the writing should have been award winning and the attention to detail was amazing.  When the show was cancelled before it completed its run, simply due to the fact that it was costing roughly 5M to produce a single episode, I was crushed.  So, when word came out that David Miltch was bringing “John from Cincinnati” to HBO (as a cheaper alternative to Deadwood) I was very please to see an “alternative” was available.

As of now, I am unimpressed.  Highly unimpressed.  Supremely unimpressed.  Unimpressed beyond reproach… What’s going on?  Where is the story going?  Are people actually this dysfunctional?  Really, I am 100% unimpressed,  but I am still giving it a chance.  Why? Because when Deadwood first hit the air I was unimpressed.  The very first time I saw the pilot, I almost felt let down.  By the third episode, however; I was hooked. 

No doubt, much like Deadwood, the multitude of story lines have been presented by Milch and crew in the first and second episode.  Let’s see where they take it… assuming the show turns out to be a bomb, let’s hope the two Deadwood movies that were promised are actually produced.

Posted by: salvia at 02:09 PM | Creative | No Comments | Add Comment
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I miss you...

Is there really anything more to say?

Posted by: salvia at 06:03 PM | sexual-spirtual-emotional | No Comments | Add Comment
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Sex, Drugs and Rock n’ Roll, baby!

CNN.com has an article that gives an overview tracking sexual behavior and illegal drug usage in U.S. adults. According to the survey conducted by the CDC, a U.S. government agency, men are players!

From the article:

<sub>29 percent of American men report having 15 or more female sexual partners in a lifetime, while only 9 percent of women report having sex with 15 or more men.

The median number of lifetime female sexual partners for men was seven; the median number of male partners for women was four.</sub>

I’m sorry, but when I read the two lines above right away my bullshit-meter goes off. I have no scientific proof of why it’s going off, just personal experience. While in college, the majority of my friends (both male and female) were having sex with anything that moved. Basically, it was 4 years of sexual exploration for everyone I knew (myself included).

The very first thought I had when I saw the article was about reporting inaccuracies. Individuals tend to under report activities, when answering surveys on personal behavior, because they tend to feel that their actions may be judged as negative or they are not comfortable in the survey setting (e.g. – the survey was face to face, lack of anonymity).

This survey, however, was administered by “computer-assisted self-interviews”. Essentially, a method that utilizes technology to removes a human interviewer in order to provide the interviewee with a sense of privacy and security so a higher degree of accuracy can be achieved in the answers given.

In theory, the CASI would create an environment that would facilitate honest answer (and remove my doubt about self-reporting inaccuracies) but still, my gut says the results are off.

I wonder what Masters and Johnson ever did any in-depth research on this topic….

Update: Hot Air has some interesting comments on the subject. =)

Posted by: salvia at 09:38 AM | sexual-spirtual-emotional | No Comments | Add Comment
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Who are you?

I've had an eye opening experience, one that has impacted my life more
than I had expected. Actually, one I had not expected. There was an
event that took place that made me question what makes an individual
who they are.

I think, in general, the core personality of an individual is
prevalent at all times but is tempered based on situational events.
For example, some aspects of the personality are appropriate for work
settings but not intimate settings (and vice versa) and, as such, a
person will practice self-restrain in order to not let traits bleed
into the wrong situation.

If a person is a liar they will find it acceptable to lie in all
situations but the severity of the lie (how big the lie is) depends on
the situation. Likewise, if a person steals the magnitude of what they
will take is dependant on their situation.

I'm not saying the all bullies bully all the time or that all liars
lie at every chance that is presented – self restraint is exercised
but the urge is always there. As such, certain things don't happen by
accident. One doesn't accidentally steal a loaf of bread or lie about
a situation, any action (or inaction) selected is part of the make-up
of the core personality and the magnitude of said action is based on
the level of self-restraint exercised during any given situation.

So, what happens when a person's action makes them feel guilty? Is
this an indicator that the individual knows their actions are wrong?
Is this nature's way of trying to change the trait of the person?
I'm still trying to answer this question myself. Interestingly
enough, I found that when a person feels guilty about an action they
try to blame outside forces – drugs, alcohol, stress, lack of sleep –
instead of owning up to what they have done. Unless you are FORCED,
against your will, you have no excuse other than your choices.

In the end, our actions reflect the very fabric of who we are.
Regardless of the situation, a constant battle is taking place to
temper behavior. If you do something that bothers you, it didn't take
place by accident – it's who you are – and you need to reconcile your
actions and your emotions. I'm not saying the core of your
personality cannot change, I believe it can. It's hard to look inward
and see things you don't care for but it's even harder to have to admit
what you are and then take steps to change it. Regardless of
difficulty or pain, if you don't like what you are find a way to
change.

If you don't like what you see when you look in the mirror, don't
blame the mirror.

Posted by: salvia at 04:18 PM | sexual-spirtual-emotional | No Comments | Add Comment
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12:36AM

I recently had an experience that was life changing.  I’m not sure how to describe it, nor am I sure how to express the emotions that were derived from the experience.  Imagine experiencing pain, pleasure, excitement, hope and regret all at the same time.  Nothing has ever felt more “real” in my life.

 

This requires serious introspection.

Posted by: salvia at 07:09 PM | sexual-spirtual-emotional | No Comments | Add Comment
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